(no subject)

[iniquiticity]

so since i’ve had the ability to blow through the avantika / pirate arc (i’m at 4x43 now), it’s really allowed me to very much watch fjord go through a transformation when it comes to his backstory and the orbs and ukotoa. it’s pretty interesting becuase i definitely think fjord comes off in the beginning as the most LG of them - and as the story progresses he’s faded the most intensely from that perspective. a lot of the characters stay truer, i think, to their first impressions (nott and jester most i think, and caduceus, but he really hasn’t had that much time), and some have growth in what might say a “posistive” direction (caleb and beau). and i don’t think that’s a bad thing - and i don’t think fjord is evil or bad, i acutally really like his perspective and his actions beause they represent this kind of deep insecurity that i think he has - but i do think that often when presented with choices fjord has decided to make the “renegade” choice. he chose to hold caleb at swordpoint over the scroll when it was VERY clear that they were not getting out unscathed. at the time i didn’t think that much of it but now when you think about the pirate choices he’s made... through the pirate arc he has REPEATEDLY chosen the renegade choice, even though he says to beau and caleb more than about “checking him.” when beau says “tell me when i am a bad person,” I get the sense that beau’s badness is much better understood internally by fjord’s badness. beau has looked in the mirror and sees the asshole. fjord doesn’t, but the asshole’s there. it’s way more dangerous.


in a way i also feel like fjord and caleb have this fascinating mirror effect becuase they both have this moment which changed their lives and all the steps they make are in the shadow and response to that moment. and caleb’s moment like, seriously tanked him in a lot of ways, and while it’s horrible to say (i do not condone blah blah), really took the wind out of the sales (nyuck nyuck) of what could have been a bad person. and fjord’s moment, in it’s horror, elevated him in this way, and i think never having had this confidence, or this power, or people listening to him -- it’s hard to say no to the temptations that come with that, even if you want to. and maybe he doesn’t want to even though he says he does. maybe, having been poor all his life and won the lottery - why not get another bentley?

when you watch fjord move through the pirate arc it's hard not to notice the choices as the leader of the group. they go into nicodromas with these good intentions, but they, as fjord and beau note, just end up killing people. they mauled the fuck out of the dude harrassing jester's mom, and maybe the didn't have to do that, but the guy was going to kill them, there's that one. they fuck up the boat thing and that didn't have to happen and they all have thoughts about and justify it in the way that they do and can (fun tangent about caleb's acts and justifications here) and even AFTER that, when they start the pirate act completely, they go: "we want to know about what happened to fjord," and fjord is the leader, and they "fjord we will follow you."

so it's interesting when they start like.. sort of being involved in pirate shit - that fjord's choices reflect this drive for more power and more knowledge. and how does that link into the mystery of what happened to him? what we really learn is that vandran was involved in some way, but in the scale of what we could learn -- we learn almost nothing. we learn about ukotaoa and vandran and the cloven crystals, yes, and maybe that leads to something (i'm not there yet!) but listening to fjord hear jester talk about locate opject and him immediately going WE HAVE TO GO THE CRYSTAL NOW speaks to me a lot about his motivations. listen to him harrass nott about buttons and waters is an ugly look.

and the whole fucking pirate thing? i was kind of aghast that that happened and i was actually astonished how little some of them fought. but i think they often see fjord as a "good person," and that fjord was like "let's pirate them without killing anyone!" they went "well if fjord say so..." i mean, when you do stuff you definitely excuse it to yourself. and they all really did. (especially caduceus, which i was amazed he did not object. he isn't an objector. but still. who knows?)

it's fascinating the drive in which fjords pursues ukotoa's motives. a couple of times he's said "i don't want to release this thing," and then immediately moved towards anything that would release that thing. see above about poor/bentley. and fjord has said SEVERAL times that he likes these powers, that he likes being someone that can do things, that he LIKES having strength, that he LIKES making change. those are significant things to an ex-loser. you definitely see this "this person does not have the responsibility for this" all over his actions.

what i really see when i watch fjord in this arc is "i like this power. i want more of it. it is connected to me." i don't see "i want to know why this happened." i don't think they're going to free ukotoa but .... it really makes me wonder if fjord had essentially option _not to_, would he at this point? if it was 'learn everything about that moment, gain great power, and unleash horrible sea monster' ... i wouldn't actually want to see the choice he'd make.