(no subject)

[iniquiticity]

one thing i’ve noticed in mixed age groups is that the other people always feel that the younger peoples’ birthdays aren’t significant, and the crisis younger people feel about their birthdays isn’t significant.

i interact in circles where i am both the oldest (in some cases by 5-10 years), and in some cases near the youngest, where other people in the circle are 20+ years older than i am.

it’s really HARD not to tell people younger than you that their younger birthdays don’t deserve the crisis they’re experiencing. listening to people flip out about turning an age i was, in some case,a LONG time ago, feels ridiculous. i suffered at that age and now my suffering seems ridiculous - like one’s relationship choices in grade school. and when you get older you have this scale and age and things look and feel different.

people do this to me. i’m turning what many people might consider a big age and I have a lot of anxiety about it. all your regular human anxieties - how am i doing? am i successful? what about my romantic life? what about my job achivements? what about my house/apartment status? should they be better? should i do something big? should i make a big commitement to something? how can i change?

-- and for people to tell me “oh, that’s not a big deal,” feels really bad, or even an “oh, you’re only turning x? i’m x+10 and turned out fine! x is no big deal!” -- i know you’ve been here and done that and it’s not important to you, but the thing you’re trying to impress to me is demeaning and makes me feel awful. plus, i’m pretty sure you also felt weird and shitty and existential

so i’m trying not to do this to people younger than me. i don’t like how it feels to be done to ME, and i can’t imagine it feels any better.

so then the new question here is: what’s the answer, to when someone ten years younger than you that, yes, that was an anxious age, and you were going through a lot of shit, and you’re feeling a lot of shit, and also - yes, look, i got past this age, and look at me now, and so will you, and remember how you felt when you turned a much younger age? you’ll feel like that about this one soon.

I don’t know. I know when people say “it’s not a big deal,” they’re trying to make you feel better. but it doesn’t make me feel better. and i’m pretty old at this point (not according to many people, but also according to many other people).

that’s my rant of the day.