(no subject)

[iniquiticity]

Anonymous asked
!!! This is so! good!! Poor Alex, it must be hard standing up to Washington after spending so long doing his bidding. In the second scenario, does anyone ever get the better of Washington when he first gets there and starts taking over? Like sure, he's smart, but there's probably people there who've built up power and social capital that might not be too happy with this new guy trying to take over.

b) first:

i’m sure he slips up in the process, of course. there are people that don’t like his growth to power. he’s certainly an unusual type, and has unusual strategies, and he’s… well, he’s a freaky kinda guy because he’s stern. so i’m sure there’s plenty of people who dislike him. and he makes mistakes, some some of his people die probably. or maybe they try to poison him but he overcomes it - bites down on the flat edge of a razor blade and only suffers a really bad cut inside of his mouth. eats something, realizes it tastes bad, immediately forces himself to vomit it up. maybe his shit is all stoeln from his room, you know. things happen. the path to the top, he will tell you, is littered with obstacles to be overcome and challenges to be conquered. but i personally prefer him eventually making it, or at least getting to the top where he’s one of the top challengers, and has plenty of the prison and also teh guards in his pocket. and like all tyrants, there’s some good in it: guards have kids in college now. not so much violence. washington even comes down on hard on the men of color who try to flaunt it. so. in conclusion: yes i’m sure some people get him sometimes. but he wins in the end.



a) i imagine it is really tough. REALLY tough. because not only are you coming face to face with your.. well, your abuser, but alex is a person is re-approached with all this darkness inside of him. and you can manage a lot of that with therapy and SSRIs and surrounding yourself with people who help with your habits, but you also can’t deny that some part of you - some deranged, horrible part of you, some broken thing, some terrible awful that’s part of who you are - liked it. liked the beatings and the overwork and the terribly unsafe kink and the domination and the command.

and i’m sure he can - and does - say to himself that this was a different person, a worse, person, a different time - but that doesn't’ stop him from remembering all those thrills, the hot rush of violence and arousal, and he remembers what he felt like when washington looked at him like an object, and - if he thinks about it too much he almost misses it. and the longer the case goes on the harder it is for him to pretend that he doesn’t miss it. and with that all the stuff comes rushing back. the sharp, powerful ache to hurt himself, and the loathing and the emptiness and that feeling of being a nothing, and the magnificent pinnacle nothingness of the orgasm for being beaten so hard you bleed. you don’t forget that.

i bet he probably relapses and just like, scrapes himself a little, maybe a just a few cuts, even now it feels like nothing else, and he needs to hug the dog for a long while because jesus, all he wants is to scratch and scratch and scratch right now. and of course washington knows just how to make him tick. washington can look at him in that way again and all at once he remebers - and lusts after, and hates himself for it - the violence and the cruelty. washington can say “how is young mr. hamilton, and little miss hamilton?” and alex wants to make it illegal for washington to say that. washington can say”i miss you,” in this way that makes alex hate every vibrating molecule in the plant. washington can say “i thought of us last night,” in the way that makes alex want to throw up - and yet - and still - demand more. and it’s worse because alex knows washington knows that he craves it despite every attempt to not. that washington knows despite his normal appearance these days, he’s still got the same broken core that drew them together. and no matter what he does, he’s still the same damaged, deranged wildfire of a human.