(no subject)

[iniquiticity]

i do think that the alex in this story IS really damaged. he definitely has some kind of schizoaffective thing going on in some way, and i think that he just didn’t handle his tough upbringing as well as a lot of other fandom-hamiltons did.

fanon ahams overcome a lot of the real-life-aham-trauma-translations and become relatively productive. or at least they appear to be so. but what if he just - doesn’t? i’m sure lots of people suffer all these terrible circumstances and they just don’t recover. and the safety net for mouthy latino kids with no parents probably isn’t good. so he’s in and out of foster care, and sometimes he’s homeless, and at no point i’m sure did he ever had foster dad he respected, and maybe there were like, some moments balancing on the scale where some foster mom or teacher or social worker could have gotten through to him - but for one reason or another it didn’t work?

so ironflint ham doesn’t really have anyone he really respects. he really has no one he feels he feels safe with. he has no intimacy with other humans. he’s isolated by all these terrible events that happen to him, and he further isolates himself because a) he’s got these undiagnosed mental health issues that he’s not addressing and b) he’s kind of a smarmy asshole. he knows he’s smarter than a lot of people around him, and probably a foster parent or two.

so he really has no self-control or self-restraint as a character becuase he’s never experienced a) any discipline that stuck or b) any reward for discipline. he’s just ultimately id-y. (iddy?). he wants things, so he takes them. teenage ironflint ham was a very good pickpocket and even now he’s probably a compulsive shoplifter.

but he knows how to appear as someone people like. he likes to read but he knows no one likes a reader, so he grows this charisma where he can pretend to be a person people like. he can’t afford real clothes so half he steals and the other half he fixes up from thrift stores. he always takes good care of himself in mall bathrooms and showers by sneaking into gyms. he HATES soup kitchens (so powerless and downtrodden).

so he writes this essay about how he’s a foster kid and how ~he conquered the odds~ and now he ~learned from his experiences~ but he thinks it’s the funniest piece of shit ever. and then he studies forever and parties hard and is always flying around doing something, never sleeping, making friends, gets the best grades, works his ass off, makes friends, makes enemies, gets into fights, works his way back into