(no subject)

[iniquiticity]

washington, like many a soldier, had the skill to be able to sleep anywhere and anytime. this, he learned, was a skill that he was losing some of his grip on, as he aged, but it mattered little. it was not so bad, to lay tangled up in his bed with hamilton. his husband twitched and murmured in his sleep.

this situation was presently occurring, with hamilton’s breath tickling his neck, disturbed occasionally by his uneven, incoherent mutterings (not much different, in many ways, from the man when he woke).

there was a moment, though, when hamilton shifted and grumbled, and clutched him harder, the faint feeling of fingers against his bare back. hamilton went tense against him, and burrowed more deeply against his body, lips pressing in a facsimile kiss against his breastbone. then, his husband made a very distressing noise in his sleep, which sounded entirely too much like a dry weep.

it was hamilton’s preference to be disturbed from his unsettling dreams, so washington wiggled his arm out of the cage he had been set in, and gave the other man a quick, practiced shake to the shoulder. all of a sudden hamilton’s movements became regular: his hands relaxed against washington’s back, and his breathing became even and calm; despite this, the all-encompassing embrace did not loosen - perhaps, in fact, he was held more tightly.

“george,” hamilton said, into his neck.

“yes, dearest.”

“do you love me?”

“i love you very much.”

“why?”

washington wiggled slightly in the hold, so that he could more comfortably stroke hamilton’s hair as he considered the question. hamilton held him tighter, perhaps in response.

“becuase you are very brilliant, and beautiful, and thoughtful, and opinionated, and ingenuitive, and brave, and many other things.”

“well,” hamilton said, in a reasoned tone that washington knew meant he would not be convinced out of whatever he was about to say, “you could love someone else more, if they had all those quantities.”

“none that i would love as much as you,” washington replied, and he tried very hard not to be offended by this proposition that it was not completely obvious there was no one that he cared for more, in the way that he cared for hamilton.

“well, what if they were not a stubborn and opinionated brat, like me?”

“i love you more because you are a stubborn and opinionated brat, not less,” washington pointed out, and he led his hand trail down hamilton’s back, and feel the power in his lean shoulder, and the muscles that hid his ribs on his side. “i would select you without question over this imaginary person. not to mention that this person would have these traits in different combinations than you, as all people do. there are many bouquets with similar or identical flowers; obviously some are more beautiful than others, based on their designs and arrangements.”

hamilton was quiet for a bit, and there was a brief moment that washington thought this line of questioning might cease, until his fears were dashed.

“It is only very curious to me, that a man of your grace, statue and dignity would settle for an unruly orphan waistrel, such as myself,” hamilton said, in the even voice he used to disguise a distressed quiver. “certainly there are many preferable options that do not disturb you in the middle of the night.”

washington shifted, so that he could draw his hand across the line of his husband’s cheek and trace the line of his jaw. while it was much too dark to truly make out hamilton’s face, he could imagine it quite well. “well,” he said, considerately, “if so, why i have i not taken those steps?”

“i have yet to identify the answer to this pressing question,” hamilton replied. he put his face back into washington’s neck as soon as he was able. “although there must be an answer, of course.”

“my dear alexander,” washington said, more to the room than to the man, becuase it was difficult to speak directly to a person who seemed to be intent on settling themself inside your ribcage, next to your heart, “there is no one for me but yourself; i shall never pick another above you, ever; when you are distressed, i shall make every feasible effort to improve you. i will always strive, as much as i am capable, to express this to you, even though perhaps it is not a quality i excel at. and i am certainly no hypocrite to suggest that you can always control your thoughts or know why such terrible things appear, unbidden, in your head. but hopefully you can also consult the part of you that is the sensible scholar who has reviewed the evidence and decided on a reasonable conclusion.”

hamilton did not answer this, only but for a kiss against his collar bone, which was likely a very positive sign indeed. then, ignoring the familiar twinge of age in his hip and his knee, washington wrapped his body around hamilton’s and tangled their limbs, that another person might have trouble identifying which arm or leg belonged to whom.

“an essay might be helpful,” hamilton said, after so long a pause washington had thought he had gone to sleep. “tomorrow.”

“yes, sir,” washington said, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.