iniquiticity | hamilsquad as hockey players (Reply)

I managed to post this without an answer the first time. Since I’ve got a hockey game on, hockey AU it is. SO I PRESENT TO YOU: THE NEW YORK CONTINENTALS.

Obviously, George Washington Washington is the Captain. Center. He’s your prototypical top-line player: strong possession numbers, defensively sound, power play time, logging big minutes, don’t get hurt, a scoring touch, carries the puck, supports his team, the whole nine yards. He was a top draft pick by the Continentals, grew up a Continentals fan, had their posts in his room. Not only that, but he’s an exceptional captain, arguing with the refs, doing all kinds of crappy interviews with the press that he hates, showing up for PR activities, hugging children in the hospital, etc, etc. He had a points drought for a while and there was some talk of trading him, or taking the C away, but then they started feeding him points on the power play, and from there he took off, and it was like it never happened. Your clear future Hall of Famer. His men love him, his fans love him, his players love him, his reporters love him, his enemies want to be him. Your prototypical born-and-bred type captain: Think Jonathan Toews or PK Subban.

Lafayette. RW. Very seriously in the running for one of the assistant captain spots, but eventually didn’t get one based on his three-year deal and that he was signed over from a European league. A 100% pure scorer. Your first choice for the breakaway and shootout. Sometimes gets a little too cute with the puck, but what can you do? You’ve never seen anyone with softer hands and incredibly puck-handling like this guy. Sneak through three d-men? Check. backhands between the goalie and the post? Check. Pass it to himself with the boards? Check. Not the best defensive forward, but he plays on the top-line with Washington, so usually Wash is there to cover his mistakes. Despite his European beginnings and half-English, it’s clear he REALLY fucking loves this team. Think Marian Hossa or Daniel Sedin.

Alexander Hamilton, Assistant Captain, LW. has never had anything easy in his whole damn life. Grew up in Sunny, Hockeyless Area of Your Choice, but fell in love with it early. Dragged himself to the far-distant rink to practice every damn day. Earned a hockey scholarship to Boston College, where he worked his ass off. Despite strong play, size questions left him undrafted, so he picked up a shitty side-job. Made the Waltham Artillery, the local ECHL team (and ECHL team of the Continentals), as a walk-on, and, two years later, lead the team in scoring. Relentless work ethic. Plays even when he shouldn’t. Called up as a fourth-line grinder to the team, only to impress the fuck out the whole team. Believes he’s more than capable of playing on the top line, but they need his intensity and ferociousness to lead their checking lines, so he’s stuck on the third line, which he suffers only with a bunch of complaining and was placated with an A. An great skater with with extraordinary puck-sense, his numbers are somewhat depressed by his linemates. Oh, by the way, despite being tiny and hardly weighing anything soaking wet, he will fucking fight you if you mess with anyone on the team, and he’s the biggest fucking pest on the planet. He will fight as dirty as he can when the refs aren’t looking. That cross-check? Probably him. That guy shoving you in front of the net? Probably him also. Finally gets his due when he’s moved up to the top line with GW & Lafayette in the Cup finals, and scores two goals in the Cup-winning game. Think Andrew Shaw or Brandon Gallagher.

Thomas Jefferson, Assistant Captain. R Defense. You know that guy who all the announcers are always talking about as the “reliable stay-at-home defenseman”? That guy who everyone always says “He’s always ready at the blueline and can keep the puck in”? The bulky one who can’t move that well, but… at least he can decently bodycheck? Well. Let me introduce to Mr. Tjeffs. The hockey pedigree is there - knew what he wanted, an so did his parents, so there were the best coaches, the best scouts, the best eyes, the best gear. Drafted to a junior hockey team where he played soft minutes and got power play time. I mean, he put up the points, don’t get me wrong. There’s clearly something there, but it’s – well, it’s okay. And at the NHL level, the possession numbers, the giveaways, the speed - it’s not impressive. Sheltered minutes and strong d-partners, combined with lots of offensive zone-time, makes Jefferson put up decent numbers no matter what he’s actually capable of. Jefferson’s long-standing commitment to the team, as well as league politics and his own campaigning, won him the A. Think Chris Phillips or Douglas Murray.

John Laurens, Center. Your quintessential power forward. Are you in his way of winning? Prepare to be mercilessly checked into the boards, hipchecked viciously in center ice, bodied up terribly in front of the net, and completely bruised by the time you go home. There is no one who makes a bigger net-front presence, who will block more shots with his body, and who will dive for the puck on the face-off, if required. It’s not that he isn’t good - and that he hasn’t had sensible training from all over the world thanks to his dad, a top hockey coach of his own and you bet your ass his son was going to be decent at this game - but sometimes you wonder if this idiot could turn off his “use the body” meter a little further. By the way, he will also fucking fight you if you threaten anyone on the team. And really fight you, not a little fight you. Like fucking pummel you. His teammates, general manager, coach, and all the fans are always like STOP GETTING PUNCHED IN THE HEAD, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! STOP BEING HIT BY PUCKS ALL THE TIME! But he just can’t stop himself. Eventually will be forced into retirement by concussion syndrome. Think Ryane Clowe, or Paul Kariya.

Hercules Mulligan, L Defense. Your all-workouts, all-muscle, defense-man that, please god, you do not want to run into. His top skill is his puck-sense and the ability to guess what his opponent is going to do. Keeps possession of the puck, generates takeaways and scoring chances, doesn’t let the opponent enter the zone. An ACTUAL defensive defenseman that’s decent, and despite his low offensive numbers and the constant rumble of idiots who don’t know better, really is a huge boon for the team. Opponents consistently score less when he’s on the ice, and he’s always elevating his defense partners. Deserves the power play time that Jefferson gets, but unfortunately doesn’t have the in-locker-room or league gravitas to demand it. Think Marc-Edouard Vlasic or Alec Martinez.

and BONUS: James Madison, your statistics nerd. Liked hockey, too sick and too small to play. Spends a lot of time at the rink curled up in ten jackets making algorithms on his computer. Is filled with charts. Will offer you advice on the best way to create plays if you’d like.

DOUBLE BONUS: Henry Knox is the goalie, and he takes up a lot of net.